Confusing Dreams
After my dad passed away, I started to have these dreams.
Like I would be out and about somewhere and I'd see this guy who looked exactly like dad. I would follow him. He would lead me on a long hide and seek kinda chase. He would attempt to shake me off. I would even lose him a few times. But I'd keep picking up his trail and continue following him. Eventually, I would reach him and he would turn around and go:
"Ha ha… you got me! Wasn't that fun?"
And I would go "No… actually. It wasn't."
I would be so angry at this completely tasteless wild-goose chase. I would be so angry that frequently, I would wake up with intense rage. I would physically be shaking. My forehead would have this scowl carved on it and no matter how much I rubbed at it, it refused to un-scowl.
My fists would be clenched tight. When I forced them open, I could see the half moon depressions of my nails on the palm of my hands. I had to physically get up and get a drink of water. I had to take several deep breaths with constant reminders that it was just a dream before I could calm myself down.
The weirdest part of the dream was that at no point was I convinced that this guy that I was following around was my dad. In fact, the whole reason why I was following him around was to prove to myself that he was NOT dad! I knew that!! Even in my dream!!!
When I caught up with him at the end, there was actually a fear – what if he was dad. What would that mean? That is the weird part. And then I get angry because I was right all along, and this guy is not dad. That is the weirder part.
Then the frequency of the dreams went down. But the intensity remained the same. Throughout the years, I've seen various different scenarios. This guy who is my dad look-alike appears in different places, and each time leads me on a wild goose chase because I simply have to know for sure; and each time I end up angry as hell.
Just don't understand it.
Close
done.
that is your name.. u r the new baccha on Suls....
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Roba,
I refuse to grow up. Am a not-grown-up-kid :))
I don't hate that name "bacha" is my fav name :))
Cheers
Dimwit
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Oye,Baccha???
That's your new name ...
waakai mein tum bus bacche ho(as i grown up kid) ...I'm sure you are going to HATE this comment....
How I love to make yoy hate ....LOL
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Sue,
I was 12 at the time. Yea, the brain is a fascinating thing. Thank you for sharing your experience and your sensitive feedback.
Cheers
Dimwit
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Anandabairavi,
Thanks for reading and your feedback. I will read up on your blog - thanks for flagging it for me.
Cheers
Dimwit
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Roba,
Both my bro and I share a strong resemblance to my dad. So yea, I still "see" him in strange ways in myself but more so in my bro. My bro is much older than me and still calls me his "bacha" :)
Thanks for reading and your feedback.
Cheers
Dimwit
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LC,
That picture you painted of the empty but preserved home was haunting. Thanks for also sharing your dreams following your dad's passing.
I enjoyed reading your comment. Thanks for that.
Cheers
Dimwit
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Aditi,
Thanks for your sensitive observations. I don't know why I posted it. I guess I wanted to see written out. This will prob be one of those blogs that end up deleting in time.
Cheers
Dimwit
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Dr. Madhvi,
No it ain't fiction. Thanks for reading and your feedback.
Cheers
Dimwit
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Reffy,
You are right. Its pointless trying to understand. I've given up. Sometimes people who are too close to you, get loved no matter what they do.
Cheers
Dimwit
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